For Megan

Today I took my girls to Jose Pepper so we could share Megan's favorite dessert....Monster Cookie.
So much growth has come to Hunter in the last two weeks since Megan's death. I wanted to share a couple of poems she's written...

A part of you has grown in me,

and so you see,

it's you and me.

Together forever and never apart..

maybe in distance,

but never in heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Rain Make Me Miss You More

The rain make me miss you more.

I know I've had this feeling before.

I miss your smiles, laughter and love.

And now you gaze from up above.

I can't think of a better place for you to be,

then sitting here right next to me.

But I know you're happy and full of joy.

And even found that one special boy.

It's different, you know, without you here.

We all held you so close and dear,

I hate you being so far away,

thanks again for never leading me astray.

Please continue whispering everyday,

so that this peace may feel at bay.

I want you to know how much I love you,

and everyone else here too.

And still now sitting here on the floor,

the rain makes me miss you more.

In some ways, since the initial shock is over, this time is more painful. I ache for Lori and Tom. I pray that the Lord will send comfort to them, especially now. Missing you Megan.

Review to Resolute

2008

A year of traveling and reunions. Some of my biggest dreams and biggest fears came true all in one year. The law of opposition was in full effect in my life for 2008. As a result, I saw some new wrinkles on my face and pounds on the hips...my last year as a "thirty something". While my physical muscles begin to atrophy my spiritual ones have toned by leaps and bounds. I have much to be thankful for as I reflect...all things testify of Christ, all things have been for my good, and all is well thanks to the Plan. Never has it been this clear to me. I survived the 2008 refiners fire still intact.

My dreams and fears are different now. Priorities are different. Because of 2008, things are different. Employment is different, retirement is different, health and appearance are different, appreciation and gratitude are different, depression is different, patriotism is different.

I resolve to starting 2009 fresh....bring it on.

I look forward to...

Temple news

helping others with food storage

taking better care of my personal temple

learning much more of Christ through the New Testament

preparing my senior child for adulthood

preparing myself to let my adult child go

maintaining and enhancing relationships

traveling near and far

reunions

letting go of anxieties and fears

getting rid of extra baggage...in many ways

enjoying my kids' accomplishments and talents

working on and developing homemaking skills and hobbies

toning down negativity

hugging more

enjoying life

And of course, I look forward to blogging 2009.

Happy New Year...Happy Resolute Year....Welcome 2009 and good-bye 2008.

Food for Thought

Some thoughts about food storage that came in my "inbox" today.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Don't Have My Food Storage.
10. My neighbors have a TWO year supply! No, they don't. They don't have any food. Did you know that 85% of the members of the church don't have any food storage at all? If your idea of food storage is to eat someone else’s food………..this is a really bad plan.
9. I've paid tithing for 20 years...the church can give me a little food. Many members believe that when the times get hard, the church is going to come through like Joseph in Egypt. Absolutely not true. All the church storehouses and welfare farms across the country would only feed 4% of the members of the church. The church has been asking YOU to store food for 75 years. They're NOT storing food for you. Thus, another bad plan.
8. I'm moving in with my children / parents! Really....that’s just a bad plan all by itself. But it points out that most members don't have a year's supply because they're PLANNING on eating someone else's food! Of course, since no one HAS any food, we have yet another bad plan.
7. I have a year's supply...and the bullets to go with it! I've heard time and again, "How dumb is that to go to all the time and expense of getting food...just to have some guy with a gun come and shoot my family to take it away?" Here's a better question. Are you afraid of the guy with the gun? Or are you more afraid of BECOMING the guy with the gun? What would you do if your children were starving to death? Would you lie? Cheat? Steal? Would you shoot your neighbor for his food? I guarantee....if you were watching your child starving to death, you would do anything you had to to keep them alive. If you don't have your year's supply, you are putting yourself in danger of losing not only your temporal salvation, but your spiritual salvation as well.So far, all the reasons we don't have our food storage involve eating someone else's food. Please, don't put your family's temporal salvation in other people's hands. No one is storing food for you. Not your neighbors, not the government...not even the church.
6. The boat and the 4 wheelers are taking up all my storage space! (priorities!)
5. 3 letters....Y2K. Ok, that's 2 letters and a number....but they're always making way too much out of everything! This is never going to happen!” (Every prophecy that has ever been given WILL happen.)
4. If anything DOES happen, the government will be here within hours! (insert laughter) Did you know the government has been telling us that we need to have food storage? They're actually CALLING it food storage! We now have the government telling us to store food, water, medicines...whatever we will need to be able to stay in our homes for several months.
3. I can't afford scrap booking AND food storage. The average food storage can cost as little as a dollar a day. We live in the richest society in the history of the world, and while there are cases where money may be a problem, most of the time it is a matter of priorities. We have chosen bigger homes, nicer cars, more tv's, computers, vacations ...everything is more important than our food storage. If I asked, "Who has a cell phone?" most of you would say yes. You pay at least $30 a month to have a cell phone....that's about a dollar a day...the cost of one year's supply of food for your child. Is your cell phone really more important than your child's temporal salvation? You have to make food storage a priority.
2. I'm waiting for the cannery to sell Papa John's dehydrated pizza! Food storage has always had a stigma attached to it. If it's not wheat, beans and powdered milk, it's not food storage. With the system I use, food storage can be sweet and sour chicken, tamale pie, chile and cornbread, beef stew, shepherd's pie, minestrone...even chocolate chip cookies! Your imagination (and your pocketbook) are the only limitations you have.
And the #1 reason why I don't have my year's supply of food? A year?? I thought it was 72 hours!!

David Bowman

http://bowman-art.com/indexFineart.htm

This piece of art, called "My Child", is my favorite by David Bowman. I know I feel lately like the young girl in this picture....embraced in His love. I had a thought yesterday of how it must of felt to raise Jesus as a my child....knowing that he was the Son of God. Would I have disciplined differently? Would I have been more patient? Would I always try to the keep the Spirit in my home? Of course I would. But then, I thought of my girls...they too are children of God. I did a little head spin in my mind and felt the guilt that all parents must feel in raising their children. Boy, would I have done some things differently if I could do them again. The most important thing I want them to know is WHO they are and WHERE they come from and how LOVED they are. In that, I hope I do not fail. I know that a loving Father knows us and loves us...he is there to embrace us.

Valkyrie

We took the girls to see Valkyrie last night. They had all said they didn't want to see it because they already knew the outcome of the story....we all do. But afterwards, each of them said it was one of the best movies they had ever seen. I agree. It is probably not the most appropriate movie to take young children to...it does show scenes of war and execution, although it was not nearly as graphic as others I've seen.

You can read about the life of Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claus_Schenk_Graf_von_Stauffenberg

The movie was suspenseful and accurate. I know one day all our questions of how and why Hitler was able to be succesful will be answered. Until then, I want my kids to know that not all Germans were corrupt or followers of his doctrine.

Silent Night...Holy Night

It's like deja vu...only I really was there, just a week ago exactly. What a sacred wonderful thing to be able to do...to attend the sealing of Noah to the Ritterbusch family for all ETERNITY.
The Salt Lake City Temple is extraordinarily beautiful this time of year. I'm home and All is Well.

Divine Intervention

I'm sure there is a reason for everything so there must be a reason why I had to sit on a plane for 3 hours before departing. There must also be a reason for making me sit next to a terrorist with the most abominable body odor for 4 1/2 hours straight. There was surely a reason I packed nothing so had no baggage to worry about, allowing me to get on an earlier flight. There had to be a reason I threw my comfy snow boots in my little carry on at the last minute....which have saved my feet from torture as I've run through an entire terminal. Reasons or not,all I know is divine intervention is at work on my behalf. Maybe the sacrifice and emotional torture is to remind me of how blessed I am. I do believe in prayer...I do, I do.
Nothing that a diet coke and advil can't fix.

Stuck

I can't believe this is happening. I've been sitting in a plane at the gate in Kansas City that should have departed an hour ago. Because of moderate to severe freezing rain we can't take off. I've already missed my connecting flight in Denver. I've talked to a ticket agent who tells me I can't get a flight out of Denver now until 5:00, which makes me get into slc two hours after the time for the whole reason for me going. I'm sitting here crying on this stupid plane wondering why this can happen when all I'm trying to do is get to the temple for Noah's sealing.
Be ready to hear of me on the news tonight as I'll probably go postal.

You guessed it...A guessing game...

Can you guess the true titles of these seemingly alien Christmas songs? Answers are at the bottom! Don't peek....and good luck!
1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time: 2400 hrs - Weather: Cloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

Answers....
1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting over an Open Fire
3. All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. He came upon a Midnight Clear
6. O Come All Ye Faithful
7. Away in a Manger
8. Deck the Halls
9. The Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go Tell it on the Mountain
16. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

Holiday Festivities and Life in Popperville

I'm not sure I can quite describe the activities of the last week as it was a whirlwind. It came and went so fast that I barely even thought to pick up the camera and take some photos. It must have been crazy because I slept in until 8:15 this morning. That is late.

On the 23rd, our family always celebrates a "nutty" tradition. It started when we moved here to Kansas City. On this Eve, the girls sleep around the Christmas tree and during the night, the Nutcracker comes to protect them, when they wake up there are new Nutcrackers for each girl. So by now, you can imagine we have a lot of Nutcrackers. In fact, I only put out about a third of them this year. Here's one shelf of them....Well, this year, we also happened to have a party at our house that night. I told the girls they could invite friends over and we ended up with about 30 kids at our house. They played games and watched a movie. There was soooo much food. I'm so sick of food.

Needless to say, it was another late night. Chloe and Hunter decided they were too old to sleep by the tree this year too...so the Nutcracker had to come to their rooms.

Christmas Eve was spent at the Tebbs home, our annual tradition. This year the entire Mack family was there along with their Grandparents, Jackie and Harley Morlock. The missionaries were also there and the Lewmans and a fun friend of Tracy's...Pam. We had dinner and the usual program of singing and candle passing. I look forward to enjoying this tradition every year. We got home a little after midnight, which meant...staying up to wrap the presents that we had only bought hours before! Santa is so full from eating, he couldn't bear to eat anymore of the cookies Bridger left out...that's okay, Lola took care of them in the morning anyway.

By morning I was so exhausted, I didn't even think to get out the camera and take pictures. I was so overwhelmed by the last few days, I barely got any photos at all. Didn't even give it a second thought.

Christmas Day was spent in Popperville, the home of the Poppers, Val Anderson's family. It was so much fun! Momma Carol made amazing turkey, Papa even deep fried one too. Val made ham and everyone brought yummy dishes to share. The kids all went sledding on the Popper slopes and Dave and Boyd brought out 4-wheelers to spin in the fields. I think Hunter enjoyed sitting by the outside fire the most. She must have spent 3 hours out there just poking at the logs. We played games and I discovered, I'm not so good at Boxers or Briefs. It was just so fun and relaxing, although I don't know which was best...the jalapeno cheese or the trip down memory lane with photo albums of Val! We are so blessed to have such great friends here in Kansas City. Everyone of them, I consider to be my family. I felt so loved and love them all. We're so grateful that our friends take in strays. I don't have great photos, but I truly have great memories that I will always cherish.

Merry Christmas everyone...and Happy Recovery...New Year too!

Wishing Wednesday

It's wednesday already. Wishing today for...

Shopping to be done.

Wishing for the 12 layer jello salad to make itself.

Wishing for a ton of snow for Christmas...

Wishing that snacks had no calories....my bad.
Wishing for Santa to have a safe journey....

Wishing for everyone to have a Merry Christmas! Okay...this is a secret...you've seen the Christmas card before it came in the mail...in it's editing stage...
Love you all.

Christmas cards are in the mail. So much for being on time...I'm off to do my shopping.

Way to end the Week

The last day we were in Utah, Boyd and I joined my family in the Salt Lake City Temple to see my sister go through for her first time. She leaves for her mission in February. It was an amazing way to end the emotional rollercoaster week. I wish I could just live in that house. Afterwards, we walked through the gorgeous Joseph Smith Memorial building to eat a yummy lunch at the Lion House...to celebrate my sister, Melanie's birthday. Homemade BBQ pork, puffy rolls, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, coconut cream pie, peppermint cheesecake and best of all for Boyd...Brigham's Favorite Pioneer Sarsaparilla.
I can't think of a better day...spending time in temple with loved ones, yummy homemade food and coming out of the restaurant to a crystal blue sky.

Joy to the World

J-E-L-L-O

One thing we mormons do well is Jello. I once heard that lime jello is the number #1 selling flavor and that Utah sells more Jello than any other state per capita. I haven't googled those statistics myself, but I have lived in Utah...so the proof is in the pudding for me.

Mormons are pros at making gelatin a healthy side dish. They are known for adding shredded veggies or fruit to jello all the time.

So, it was only fitting that we had orange jello with shredded carrots at my grandpa's funeral. And it was soooo good, and I got a serving of veggies too!

Another Reunion

Speaking of reunions.

When we booked the trip to Utah for Boyd's company party, we had no idea at the time that the party would actually turn out to be a sidenote rather than a highlight or purpose for the trip. As it happened, we were able to go to my Grandpa's viewing and funeral as well as being able to see my sister Alexis go through the temple for the first time to prepare for her mission. Needless to say, it was a busy weekend with snow falling almost the entire time. Boyd was such a trooper to run us all over the Salt Lake and Utah valleys to be at all places at all times in blizzards and I15 traffic.

Our first evening in Utah began in Bountiful at the Russon Funeral Home where we met with family to view Grandpa. I was able to see my Aunt Diane and Uncle Jim as well as cousins whom I haven't seen in years. Unfortunately, my Aunt Connie (Bridger Connie's namesake) couldn't be there as she was ill. I did take pictures of Grandpa and for my journaling purposes and my kids, I will post them here...so I've given warning...

Once again, my testimony of the gospel and of our Lord served me well. It is such a sweet reassurance to know the Plan, to know where my loved ones are and to know that we will be reunited again.Truly, I was more sad for my Mom and her siblings. To lose a parent, no matter their age or the circumstances is difficult. Mom gave the eulogy and she did a great job. I was so proud of her and I know Grandpa was too, he had asked her to do that.

The next morning was a public viewing and the funeral. It was held in the original Centerville 1st ward meetinghouse. It is the same building where my Great Grandpa Adams mowed the lawn weekly for many years. Located on the property is a pioneer log cabin, wherein are photos hanging of my ancestors who were a part of establishing Centerville. I am amazed out how generous the Bishop and members are there. They opened their beautiful building up to us, they provided comfort and a wonderful luncheon after the graveside service. Us Mormons are handy people....as Val would say.

This is my sweet Great Aunt Louise, Grandpa's sister. I haven't seen her in a few years and in that short time, she has lost much of her memory. When she saw me she said, "I recognize that sweet smile but I've lost my memory and can't remember who you are, could you tell me?" Once I explained who I was, she remembered. She adored her baby brother.The adventure part of the day was at the graveside. The hearse couldn't make it up the slippery hill in the cemetery so the pallbearers had to carry Grandpa's casket up the hill and across the cemetery a ways...in a blizzard...

I was so glad Boyd was there to help. Uncle Jim gave a sweet dedicatory prayer and was presented with Grandpa's flag. I would have loved for there to have been a military salute but Grandpa didn't want one.

We returned back to the meetinghouse to a wonderful warm lunch provided by the sisters of Centerville 1st ward. Uncle Jim brought 5 loaves of wheat bread from Grandpa's freezer to share with everyone. Grandpa made the most amazing bread and everytime you would go in his house it smelled of freshly baked bread. There were also copies of the finely tuned recipe available for everyone.

It was then, that I had the most difficult time. Eating of the bread that Grandpa had made himself....as if he had taken care of the food for his own funeral. This bread has been used for the sacraments of his wards for many years. Every member at some point has been a recipient of one of the treasured loaves. It reminded me of the sacrament, when we eat in remembrance of the Lord....the same Lord whose sacrifice makes all this possible. I'm so grateful for the knowledge I have, for the sacrifice of the Son and for the power of eternal families. Thank you Grandpa, for your legacy. Reunions are sweet.

Recollections

After flying into Salt Lake City last thursday morning, I dropped Boyd off at his office and left for a short excursion down my Utah memory lane.
This is the office building at Thanksgiving Point.While he had meetings...I recollected.

I stopped off in Provo to check out my last address as a single college coed...

Glenwood, which of course, is lovely and remodeled since I lived there. When I was there, the underground parking lot for this complex was condemned and the apartments were infested with all kinds of living species, besides humans. It was falling apart. It was here that I met my fateful destiny of being reunited with Boyd after not seeing each other for months.The best part of living in the Glenwood was it's location....1 1/2 blocks from the BYU football stadium! Unfortunately, the mountains were completely shrouded in clouds this day. Seeing those mountains rise straight up from behind the stadium on a sunny day is truly spectacular.Fast forward about 8 years...
After living in Montana for many years we moved to American Fork, Utah where we would live in two houses and Chloe would go to three different schools (Greenwood, Shelley, & Legacy Elementary) in 2 years. The first home we moved into was leased with an option to buy. It was a lovely older home. It had been fixed up and had the most amazing landscaping and playhouse in the backyard. After living there for 6 months, we knew it wasn't the best set up for us. The house had 5 bedrooms and was roomy but it didn't have a garage, was infested with mice and come to find out, it's location was not desirable...as in...lots of meth houses around.

We opted for a house on the other side of town, on the border of Highland. This house was 5 bedrooms as well, but organized much better and way more conducive to younger kids with it's neighborhood of a billion grade school children. Our yard was fenced and had a great concrete basketball court in back. We spent the next 18 months completely redoing the entire inside of the house, from tile to carpet, to paint...it was a lot of work but a great learning experience. At the time we lived in the house, to the west of us was an open field as far as you could see with no homes anywhere. I used to walk our chocolate lab on trails and enjoy the views of Utah lake below. Now, there is an LDS chapel right next to the house where the field once was.

The two years we spent in A.F. are somewhat of a blur to me. I do have some really great memories but it was also a difficult time. It's bittersweet to think of now. During this short time, Chloe was baptized by her Grandpa in the Alpine Tabernacle....Usually when we go to Utah I have my kids with me and while they appreciate seeing our last home, they could care less about the rest of the reminiscing. It was nice to have a few hours to myself to visit places almost forgotten and to remind myself of how grateful I am for the journey of life we are on. If it hadn't been for our short time in AF, we wouldn't be here in KC now. Boyd left in August 1999 to start the new office in KC, while I stayed behind to pack and ready the house for sale. We left on Thankgiving Day with our trucks full for the move to Kansas City. I recall feeling excitement at the prospects of a fresh start in a new place where no one knew us. I also remember thinking how surreal it was that I...a western girl...would live on the east side of the Rocky Mountains...practically a foreign country.
So, recollections are just one of the many blessings of this quick trip to Utah.

Delayed

Ugggg! I'm sitting in the Salt Lake City airport, waiting for a flight that has been delayed for two hours.

I can't believe how much has happened in the last week. And I can't believe that I can sit here in SLC and update my blog by phone. I wish my phone had the power to get me home quicker.

My wishful wednesday

My wishes today.
It's interesting how life circumstances change your perspective and wishes.

I wish I'd been a better Mom this morning and had a prayer with my girls before we went to their friend's funeral. As I heard the Bishop announce their names to sing, I instantly felt terrible for not giving helping them with the calming influences of the Spirit by praying with them. We rushed from our home this morning and drove as quickly as we could on icy roads to be on time. In spite of my failure, they did a wonderul job and I'm so proud of them.

I wish for "safe" weather. I learned long ago that I can't necessarily ask for good weather, because "good" weather is different for everyone and may not be the weather we need. But, I would love to have safe weather at this time so that all those I love will be safe in traveling this week.

I wish I had the gift of speaking eloquently. I generally say the wrong things at the wrong times. I wish I had the gift of words. No really...I had some doozies this week.

I wish I could blink my eyes and my office and closets would magically be cleaned and organized. Maybe I should be wishing for a fairy or robot.

I wish my wish from last week hadn't come true....Christopher Elbow chocolates. Yes, that wish actually came true and I ate the entire box, now I'm wishing I hadn't wished for that!

I wish I could turn back the clock a bit. I haven't done my Christmas shopping. I know many people say that isn't a big deal, but the reality is...I'm going to be out of town until late saturday night. Sunday shopping is a no no and so I'm running out of time. I don't think many are comprehending what I'm saying....I haven't shopped yet. I'm talking na da. Nothing for anyone. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry and that that isn't what Christmas is all about. Right. Ask yourself if you could truly not buy a single present for anyone for Christmas and not feel terrible about that. Truly, I know what is important but I don't think people can comprehend what it feels like to not having purchased any gifts for Christmas, with no idea of how, when or what will happen. It's helpless.

I wish that everyone I know...knows I love them.

A reunion

I feel like today I got a glimpse of what it will be like in heaven.

A reunion.

I can't imagine a more glorious thing then to be with all those I've ever known and loved. Today I watched friends of old and new and family gather to celebrate the life of Megan, the one who's life brings us all back together. I can feel great comfort in knowing where she is and who she is with on this day. And because of her, I was able to feel a portion of that heaven here on earth as those who have been left behind came together to celebrate and mourn her life and death. I heard inspiring words, comforting scriptures, felt tender mercies and the Holy Ghost...all things testifying of Christ.

Truly, sweet is the peace the gospel brings.

Even in the most bitter of temperatures and circumstances, we truly felt the warmth of the Spirit.

Hunter and Chloe have turned a corner in their own mourning. They had a sacred opportunity, perhaps too sacred to share with everyone, to witness for themselves that the Lord has a plan.

He does have a plan, you know.

And it's pretty good, especially if you love reunions.

Relief

A little something to give cheer on a cold, snowy day...from Megan's Mom, Lori.

Video clip of accident. Play video to see a photo of Hunter with Chad...the driver.
http://www.kmbc.com/news/18269312/detail.html?rss=kc1&psp=news

Angels

Grandpa became another one of my personal angels last night. Hunter took the call sometime around 11:00 pm.

A part of me thought he would rally through this.

Yesterday was a month, to the day, of when my grandma passed away. I know he is with her and that thought makes this all worth while.

I'll be praying for my Mom and her siblings today.

I have to add that I found this quote this morning to read to the seminary class tomorrow. It was directed to young women but I added "son" to make it applicable to the whole class. I did find it interesting however, that it so perfectly suited my own girls.

"It is by faith that you can lay hold upon every good thing. I pray with all my heart that your faith will be increased that you are a daughter/son of a loving God. I testify to you that you have been one of the valiant ones to reach the point where you now are in this journey of life. Just as you are marked as a target by the enemy of righteousness, you have been protected and watched over by your Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. They know you. They know all of the forces and individuals around you. They know what is ahead of you. And so They know which of the choices you make, which of the desires you decide to satisfy, and which of the circumstances around you will make the most difference in keeping you walking in the light. I testify that by the Spirit of Christ and by the Holy Ghost, you may walk confidently in whatever difficulties will come. Because you are so valuable, some of your trials may be severe. You need never be discouraged or afraid. The way through difficulties has always been prepared for you, and you will find it if you exercise faith."

President Henry B. Eyring

From the letter I received last monday from Grandpa:
"This is just a note to let you know that I love you. Each day in my prayers I thank the Lord for my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I feel so blessed for having the privilege of giving blessings to Chloe and Hunter. Thank you so much for holding them so close to the gospel."

Wonderment and Knowledge

You know that feeling when your nerves are raw and you feel the slightest thing could set you off? That's me.
I wonder when my kids will stop crying. I wonder how Hunter and Chloe will be able to sing at a funeral without breaking down. I wonder when we'll be able to go an entire day with our make-up still on our face. I wonder what I should say and do for my friends to help comfort them. I wonder when or if I become a burden by dropping in on them. I wonder if my home will ever be back to normal. I wonder when I'll stop envisioning a chevy blazer rolling on a country road every time I close my eyes. I wonder when I'll ever feel like letting my kids out of my sight again with out completely panicking. I wonder when I'll stop regretting. I wonder how to comfort two young men. I wonder if the Spirit will help me say what I need to say to my seminary class tomorrow. I wonder when I will hear again "Sis. K., I know..right?"
Some things I know and need not wonder about... I know where Megan is. I know she is alive. I know we will see her again. I know she is in a state of happiness and paradise. I know Janelle welcomed her with "Hello Dear". I know she was laughing yesterday at the cute Elders observing us during baptisms at the temple. I know families are forever. I know all can find peace through our loving Father and His Son. He suffered that he might succor even at this time. I know that I never want to take for granted the opportunity to show love to someone. I know that there is a plan and I know, wonder and marvel at the matchless love we've been given. I know there are many people praying and united in faith at this time.
I know that He can help me with my wonders.

A Plead

Please keep our ward family and in particular the Kissinger/Kitchen/Roberts/Jameson families in your prayers today. I'm completely overcome and will write later. I will be at the temple today and will pray for peace. Help me answer some very difficult teenage questions.

http://www.kansascity.com/115/story/936108.html

Story with accompanying video: http://www.kctv5.com/news/18272001/detail.html

Trashed

So, if you are wondering where your Christmas card is from the Kanenwisher Family...look here...

That's right...they are in the trash. In order to save time this year, I ordered my cards online instead of making them. They came quickly but they look like dog doo. The picture is fuzzy and microscopic and the overall look is cheesy. They were dirt cheap and now I know, you get what you pay for. Now, I'm not that big of a perfectionist but I'm telling you, these cards are trash. So, I've ordered new ones...with a delivery date of the 19th..and by gosh they will be out before Christmas!!

This is what I get for trying to save time.

Dear Mr. UPS Man

I know it's not your fault that I've missed signing for my package for two days in a row now.

It couldn't possibly be because you never come at the same time or the time promised on your little reminder sheet of paper. It couldn't be because you ring the door bell and literally run away so fast that by the time I've hoofed it from the other end of the house, all I can see are the flames from your tail pipe as you race away as fast as you can. It couldn't possibly be that I never asked for Amazon to send my package and only deliver with a signature.

I'll bet it's because gas prices are soooo low that UPS just wants to drive around and burn as much fuel as they can. Yep, I bet that's why.

So because it's not your fault and I'm not blaming you...I'm not angry. Could you please just leave my package on the front porch? I'll take my chances with it being stolen.

Thank you and know there's no hard feelings, yet.

From, The crazy lady with the eagle in her front yard.

In our prayers

My grandpa, whose wife (my grandma) passed away a few weeks ago is in the hosptial right now in very serious condition. They discovered a staph infection in his leg a couple of days ago and had to amputate his leg at 4 inches above the knee in emergency surgery. While they hope they have been able to catch the infection, he is also suffering from pneumonia and his kidneys have failed. He will have dialysis today to see if they can jump start the kidneys. His body is really suffering at this time and luckily he his heavily medicated so that he can't feel the pain. This is a critical time and they hope to keep his heart going.

This is the man who survived the last weeks of WWII in a German prison camp. He is also the man who parachuted down behind enemy lines as the tail gunner in a plane as it exploded, literally knocking his boots off. This is the same man who has taken care of my Grandma for many years.

He has great courage and strength. I know I would not be able to endure what he has. He was heard saying as they wheeled him in to surgery...Dr...don't worry, if I die during surgery, it's not your fault, it's just my wife may be causing trouble in heaven and I might need to go and help them with her.

I'm so grateful I was able to see him in October and have him give Hunter her Patriarichal Blessing. On Monday, I received a sweet letter from him about 2 hours before I found out he was to have surgery.

Bless you Grandpa, you are in our prayers.

Wishful Wednesday

Here is my attempt at wishing on wednesday...

What I REALLY wish for are these scales....

But since I can't have those and I can't worry about that now, I'd like a box of my favorite Christopher Elbow Chocolates...and since I love shoes and chocolate....how about some nice chocolate shoes.

Okay, so maybe I should be more practical. I wish for a marble rolling pin and no...it's not for beating people with. I'm cranky with my hollow cheap plastic rolling pin.

And what would really be fun, is to have school cancelled so I can use my marble rolling pin and make sugar cookies with my girls.

Because time is running on out my senior's last year at home. I'm struggling with that. I wish I could make it last longer.What I really wish for is to take all my girls away to somewhere warm and sunny....on a desert island where there are no boys.
Here's to Wishful Thinking on Wednesday.