Last night was New Beginnings, an event to help all the Young Women (girls 12-18) of our ward (the unit we worship with) understand the importance of maintaining their values and helping them recommit to living the program and the principles of the gospel of the Savior. I think most women would have no problem organizing such an event. It is simple. It is short. And it is supposed to be easy. But, we're talking about me. Nothing is easy for me. Everything takes twice as long for me to accomplish as most. So, needless to say...last night's hour long program took me more then a month of working on everyday to accomplish. I have put so much heart and time into this project, both spiritually and physically. I know, that's pathetic. When I got home, it broke my heart that I didn't even get one picture taken the entire night.
I spent the entire night tossing and turning. I couldn't stop thinking about the things I said and things I didn't say last night. I had big plans. I had ideas. As soon as I stand up to speak and see people actually looking at me, all plans cease to exist. I find myself mortified at what I've actually said. I can't even seem to put together a coherent line of speech. Public speaking is not my gift. I literally gave myself an anxiety attack replaying all the things I said last night. It would be so much simpler if I could just blog what I want to say.
There I feel much better already.
What I want to say, and what I would say them and to the two special young ladies that I have been working with over the last month, is how much I love them. How they have a piece of my heart with them...forever. How I've invested so much of my time and thoughts over their welfare and that of all the girls in Young Women's. How I worry for them. How I marvel at them. How I admire them and appreciate them. How I wish they knew or could fathom how much they are loved. How I know the Lord knows them by name and counts them as His. How I wish I could make it all better. How I wish they could see themselves 10 years down the road and get the big picture perspective. How proud I am of them. How while I wish I had a photograph of them last night, their impression on my heart will never fade.
There I go, giving my heart away.
11 comments:
You're such a great leader! The Young Women are very, very lucky to have you. I'm sure what you said last night was what needed to be heard. I always feel that way after speaking, like I left so much unsaid. No matter what you did say, those girls have to know that you love them.
I have never once organized a "simple" YW activity. I think that's a contradiction.
A good, true leader ALWAYS pours her heart and soul into planning an activity - ALWAYS can't sleep the night before - and ALWAYS is so overflowing with love that English seems to inhibit your ability to communicate.
You sound like a good leader.
Judging from your post, I am willing to bet that the spirit was so thick you could cut it with a knife. When you love the girls as much as you clearly do, it doesn't really matter what words you say.
=)
PS. Having said that, I bet you said great words. (You sure write great ones!)
I'm sure the girls know your love for them and your testimony because I could feel it jumping off the page. That's what being a great YW leader is all about. With all the preparing I'm sure it was a great night in their eyes even if you didn't think it was perfect.
Oh, I am so proud of you. I understand the issues that plague you so well, and yet you still reach out to bless and inspire those precious YW for whom you have stewardship. How lucky they are to have you. I can't promise you that you will feel better speaking, or that it won't take a month to plan an event again, or that you won't lose sleep, but I can promise you that sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven. Thanks for the inspiring post. Love you!!!
Oh bless your heart Cheryl! I bet you did wonderful... you are too hard on yourself! I hate speaking too! It's the #1 anxiety of people....
I am sure the FELT your heart that night.
all your planning and preparing was not wasted.
Knowing you, I bet you touched and will continue to touch the hearts of those young ladies.
I don't think organizing any church activity would be simple or easy. I bet that what you did say was heart felt and meant the world to those girls, even if it wasn't all that you would have said to them. Especially if it was only just a little of what you wrote in your blog.
You have let your light shine before these young womens, they see your goods works and you glorify your Father which is in heaven. You have help others and build the kingdom through your righteous service. You don't have say anything else to these girls because they see your light shine through all you do for them...remember that.:)
You are entirely too hard on yourself. I was there and I know how well it all went.
Boyd told me about his "little mishap" with the charms. I really think I would have killed him. Really. I'm proud of you for letting him live.
Although I wasn't there, I'm sure that everything you said was perfect--and everything those young ladies needed to hear. You're a wonderful leader and so inspired--in everything you do and say.
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