"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.”
--Peter De Vries
I saw this quote on another blog today. It's so un-fitting for my situation.
Let me break it down....the VALUE of marriage is that CHILDREN produce adults.
Whoa.
The Value of my marriage is that me, a child myself, is producing adults.
Then I can't say my marriage is of much value right now. This business of raising adults is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Does anyone else feel like they are still 20 themselves? When did I become the Mom?
Imagine losing all control.
Visualize it this way....riding the roller-coaster without the safety bar down and going up and over the first hill into the upside down loop with nothing to hold on to. Then your car leaves tracks....
That's pretty much how I feel right now. Only roller-coasters are more fun.
Tell me, please. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever see my dreams, desires and wishes realized? Is it all completely out of my control? If I give up, does it make it all right? Is there any point of parenting if all you've done is failed at it?
I mean really.
Can I just hire someone else to produce adults for me?
I'm pretty cranky about it. I'm sad. I'm tired. And I've only just begun.
I'm pretty certain I didn't sign up for this ride. I'm afraid of heights and get nauseous easy. Who would ever do that willingly?
Apparently me.
11 comments:
Um, good question. Well definitely keep trying. We only fail if we don't try they say.
Parenting is the hardest thing ever. EVER. We want so much for our kids.
sometimes they choose the right --and sometimes they don't.
sometimes I don't
It's all a part of growing, learning, paying the price, and trying again.
I worry for my kids all the time and my oldest is 37 and youngest 25.There have been glorious times and there have been gut wrentching painful times.
So, buckle up, take a pill for the nausea and hang on.
someday you'll add grandkids to the mix to worry about and pray for.
but when things are joyful --it is exactly that JOYFUL
Well, my kids are only 2,8 and 11 but I do know that parenting is THE hardest job ever (if done well). You are a great parent keep up the great work. God will help you get thru it.
Oh dear. This did not give me hope. Hurry, someone give me hope.
I am relatively at the beginning of the journey so my insights are somewhat limited. I often look at parenting the way God himself is a parent. If you think about it Adam and Eve the first parents were personally tutored and trained by God himself and they even had some troublemakers. I hope that you will be able to find some peace and comfort with what you are going through right now. I just hope and pray that blogging will still be around when our daughter's are teenagers.
Deep breaths, please...and the following poems:
©1997 by Susan Noyes Anderson,
"At The End of Your Rope, There’s Hope", Deseret Book
If you can keep your head and not lose favor,
When adolescence makes its grand debut;
If you can trust yourself to never waiver,
And always keep an optimistic view;
If you can hold your judgment when teens stumble,
Then watch with loving patience as they rise;
And strive to be forgiving…firm, yet humble,
And loyal, even in the face of lies;
If you can always understand the reason,
Yet never give up looking for the rhyme;
And hold your tongue when silence is in season,
Remembering that all things pass, with time;
if you can seek and find the strength within you,
And neither shrink, nor shun, the grueling fight;
If you can move the mountain, or begin to,
And never, in the darkness, lose the light;
If you can lead when children will not follow,
Yet follow, when you must, where they will lead;
And neither lose yourself, nor wind up hollow,
An empty vessel, sacrificed to need;
If you can do all these and never falter,
Nor doubt, nor pause, nor ever give up hope;
Then you are made of stone, just like Gibraltar,
And every other parent is a dope!
In other words, we're all in good company.
One more...
JUST FOR A CHANGE
©2000 by Susan Noyes Anderson, Sunshine for the Latter-day Mother’s Soul, Eagle Gate
Just for a change I’d like to make
a change this very day–
I’d like to do the things that all
those mothering books say.
I’d like to give up yelling and
perfect the old “I” statement.
(Not “turn that racket down!”) …
but “I’m in need of noise abatement.”
(Not “talk back once more and you’re toast!”) …
but “I demand respect.”
(Not “Brush your teeth, or die!”) …
“I fear your hygiene is suspect.”
I’d like to be the kind of mom
who gets the kids to clean
(and they all end up having fun,
and no one thinks you’re mean!).
I’d like to be the kind who gets
the dinner on the table
and never has to set it ‘cause
her children are so able…
And willing, oh, I’d like to be
the kind that makes them willing–
I’d write a how-to book, and
would I ever make a killing!
I’d sort of like to be the type
who’s frugal as can be
and manages her time so well
she’s always home by three.
The kind whose kids are never spoiled
because they love to work,
who think a kid who asks his mom
for money is a jerk.
I’d really like to be that kind––
and, oh, just one more thing…
I’d like to be the kind who’s never
freaked by anything.
The kind who always keeps her cool,
no matter what goes down.
The kind who can control her kids
with one look, or one frown.
(Or two looks or two frowns, or even
one big burst of words!)
I’d like to be the kind who looks
real hip, but not absurd.
In short, I’d like to be a mom
who’s good as good can be.
The only problem is, how would
my children know it’s me?
In other words, we're all in the same boat.
heehee
=)
PS. I have a serious one, too. Let me know if you want that one... ;)
Hang on sweetie. My wise mom once told me that if she could have seen how well everything was going to turn out, she wouldn't have worried nearly as much.That simple statement has helped me through many a despressing experience with my children.I have also found her statement to be quite true, and still comforting in my own life. Love you!!!
Oh Boy! Don't we all have a lot to learn. I'm not to the teenage stuff yet. It scares me. Somehow, I think you're doing a great job, though, even though I've never met you, I can tell that you are doing your best.
Well Cheryl, I can really relate to what you're going through right now. I am struggling with Cassy a great deal. It is extremely hard to keep my cool at times. Ok, so sometimes I just CAN'T. But all I can do is be the best parent I know how to be and take several deep breaths every single day. AND PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! I love you sis.
Hang in there! I have been struggling with my 21 year old since he was 18. It has slowly gotten better.
I was so upset, crying & stressing all the time. I finally just had to pray & tell my Heavenly Father, "I'm going to turn him over to you, to protect, guide and help."
Can I tell you that it was almost immediate that the weight was lifted!
Remember that if we train up a child in the way that he should go, he will return to it.
Unfortunately the waiting is the toughest part. I know what you're going through & I can tell you that it does SLOWLY get better.
I wish they could stay little & lovable forever!
I'll keep you in my prayers!
The person who commented "someone give me hope quick" made me laugh outloud.
So we had drama at our house last night because someone told my 2nd grader that another person's project in the class was better than his. I'm thinking you're not talking about that stuff, huh???? hahaha
Keep calm and keep on girl. We need "Titus II women" like you to go before us and help us figure out what we will be doing someday. All IS and will be fine.
I'm sorry for your worries.
just that picture of the roller coaster makes my stomach hurt!
it is hard! we won't know if we've done it right until they are raising adults.
there is a light.
you will see your dreams realized.
you have not failed.
you will not give up. why? because you are their mom. that's why.
hugs,
L
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