"The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.”
--Peter De Vries
I saw this quote on another blog today. It's so un-fitting for my situation.
Let me break it down....the VALUE of marriage is that CHILDREN produce adults.
The Value of my marriage is that me, a child myself, is producing adults.
Then I can't say my marriage is of much value right now. This business of raising adults is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Does anyone else feel like they are still 20 themselves? When did I become the Mom?
Imagine losing all control.
Visualize it this way....riding the roller-coaster without the safety bar down and going up and over the first hill into the upside down loop with nothing to hold on to. Then your car leaves tracks....
That's pretty much how I feel right now. Only roller-coasters are more fun.
Tell me, please. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever see my dreams, desires and wishes realized? Is it all completely out of my control? If I give up, does it make it all right? Is there any point of parenting if all you've done is failed at it?
I mean really.
Can I just hire someone else to produce adults for me?
I'm pretty cranky about it. I'm sad. I'm tired. And I've only just begun.
I'm pretty certain I didn't sign up for this ride. I'm afraid of heights and get nauseous easy. Who would ever do that willingly?