We're moving.
What?
We're moving. To St. George, Utah. Did I just say that? I'm trying to wrap my brain around it too.
We've lived here 10 1/2 years now and the longer we lived here the longer I thought I'd be here. I...We never intended to be here this long. Kansas City was the "two year" plan. It was beginning to seem possible that I would see my children married here and that we'd be traveling grandparents with 816 as our home base.
My heart is always in the west but my Spirit is here.
This morning I am sick about it. I'm sad. I'm angry. And not a darn person can help me but God. Only He can direct our future now. Only He can make the things happen that need to happen. I know He can and will provide many hands to help but in the end, it's all up to Him. There are so many unknowns and insecurities with this move. I love change, but not the great unknown. I am the girl who pre-unwrapped every Christmas present under the tree and re-wrapped them without anyone knowing because I hated not knowing. I don't like surprises. This isn't the most desirable way to move.
And how can I leave my family here? All my genetic relatives are in the west. And so for 10 years the only family I've had day to day is the New Mark Ward. From the very first plate of cheese fries in January of 2000 to the bag of goodies brought to my door on Monday night. I've never felt more loved anywhere I've ever lived. And that is saying a lot since I've tried out just about every state in the west. I've embraced this Kansas City life and have no regrets, however, here will forever be a void that cannot be filled.
How can I explain to those I will meet and grow to love that this is where it's at? Truth be told, this area is really where it's at. I will be forever grateful to be able to say, "I lived there." Someday the rest of the world will see, this is really the place to be.
How can I leave when the building of the long awaited temple has finally commenced. I still believe I was meant to be the Temple Chaser, for whatever reason. I will never forget that bolt of electricity that shot through me when the Kansas City Temple was announced. I will still be involved in any way possible and will look forward to the day when I can rejoice in it's completion with the rest of my Kansas City family.
I have been numb until last night and now my emotions come and go in waves. I do not doubt that the outcome of all this chaos will be the desire that we seek. I do however, believe it could be a rough road in getting there. Life has taken me by surprise and left me pretty uncomfortable. I wish I could pre-unwrap this gift and see what the future will hold.
Faith is not pre-unwrapping.
Words cannot describe the loss I already feel and I know that it will only deepen in the coming weeks. If I can't and don't tell you all good-bye, please know that you will all be going with me and I'm not very capable of saying good-byes. I'd rather just leave thinking I'm on an extended vacation and will see you again soon.
And we have facebook and email right? It's all good.
Back to wrapping.
17 comments:
We miss you already! I will cherish the memories of the laughs we shared over lunch. The early mornings "napping" on your sofa, while Meggie was in your Seminary class, and the addiction we shared with diet coke!
Love you,
Lori
As Elder WIrthlin I think said : Come what may and love it. :( There are airports by St George. I am good. You know I am woman of travel and my word. :)
Sam is still planning on going to Italy next summer with you guys, so hopefully St. George won't mess up those plans. :-)
But we're going to miss you guys. You have been good friends to us and we'll forever be thankful for that.
Cheryl you will be missed. However, you are just a FB post or blog post away from instant communication! And as promised, I will send you pix of the developing temple lot.
Just one question, have you planned out the paint in your new house? 'Cause from what I've seen Jen is the best and I'm betting she travels!
Travel safe my friend!
Oh, I'm so sorry!! I hope that things go well. My grandmother lives in St. George. The good news is that maybe we will be able to meet one day!
I love, love, love Kansas City. I feel the same way about that wonderful place. It was a privilege to live there with such good people. True, I did kind of "grow up there" living with my family in KC since the age of 13 and then living there after the mission and the beginnings of my married life. But I have to say that New Mark in particular has such a special place in my heart. It's going to be hard. But I also LOVE St. George. We've thought a lot about moving there. Doubt it can or will ever happen, but it's such a fun place! Change is good. That's the only way we can keep growing and improving. (not that you need much more of that!) :) I'm sure you will be severely missed!
Reading your post today, I could really connect. I sink my roots deep, and it's really hard for me to pull them up. Then, once I get to the new place, it takes me awhile to get them firmly planted again. And during that whole "holding the roots in my hands" process, I feel uncomfortable. And unsettled. And ungrounded.
When I left our last home to move here (where we've now been for nearly 20 years), I even wrote a poem about the whole roots thing. And leaving the ward members was the hardest thing of all. The Sunday before we left, they had a big fireside for us with most of the ward there. We sat in our bishop's huge living room while each person told us (formally, in a circle, like a little testimony meeting) how sad they were to see us go. In that moment, I knew we were crazy to leave.
Now, Cheryl. This is the good part: We left, and it was the right choice! And we were (eventually) happy. And we still see all of those people from our old ward, or at least, the ones we knew and loved best. And I would be just as sad if I had to leave this home now as I was to leave that one.
So, hang in, my friend. And here is the poem:
THE LEGACY
©1994 by Susan Noyes Anderson, The Lyric
Old house, you held a family in your womb.
You stood upon the soil with warmth and grace,
a sanctuary and a birthing place,
nurturing life and love in every room.
You watched the hearty agapantha bloom
with every child, secure in your embrace,
providing boundaries bathed in high-beamed space;
your orange-blossomed peace a sweet heirloom.
No last goodbyes will echo through our sleep;
you ‘ll be no long-forgotten, empty shell.
We mined our roots, but found the veins too deep;
in leaving you, we left ourselves as well.
Each broken, earth-bound fiber yours to keep.
Each golden, lonely secret yours to tell.
I sadly know how you feel!! Things will be great in St.George!
I sadly know how you feel!! Things will be great in St.George!
So you're the one who did the Christmas present thing! I always gave Tonia the blame for all of that. My heart and prayers are with you. Life is just one big adventure with all the highs and lows that go with it. Hang on!! Love you!!
I am so glad that I was able to talk to you for a bit at Y/conference. I miss you already! You will love St George and St George and its people will love you and your family.
Of course I travel..... but dude....this stinks!!!! =(
"Be still and know that He is God."
It'll all be good.
But it still stinks.
Cheryl, I have followed your temple chasing from the beginning and I occasionally stalk your blog.
I fell in love with the ugly green chair and regularly visit the temple site, fetching my own pics from time to time.
I really appreciate the latest pics from atop the truck. How clever!
I will make a point of posting my temple pics from now on on my blog: ejburneson.blogspot.com so you can continue to enjoy all the action. I am happy to be a proxy temple chaser for you. :o)
Thanks for all you have done in sharing your excitement for this much anticipated temple.
You have made all the difference!
Emily Burneson
P.S. When do you move?
:( man everyone leaves me!!
OH NO. This is not happy news at our house. Who will do all the things that you and Boyd do? You will leave such a huge hole when you go....do the people in St George know how lucky they are???
I will say, if someone made me move to UT, St George or Logan would be the only 2 places i would even consider, with SG being #1 due to the better climate.
This is just a shock. How soon do you leave us?
Of course I am so happy for you because Utah is such a great state. Too bad you aren't coming a little more North. St. George is so hot in the Summers but I'm sure you will still love the city and the people. Good luck with everything going on. Moves are definitely a challenge!
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