I don't know what's happening to me.
It began yesterday while I was at the pool with some cute, giggly girls.
I sat in my chair watching them enjoy the moment in cool, clear water. The sky was crystal blue...the breeze keeping me from melting in the midwest heat.
I just can't describe the feeling of contentment and peace that swept over me. I was so overcome that my eyes even got a little misty. Maybe I should get a dose of vitamin D more often!
I'm still feeling it this morning...even after a terrible night's sleep. I just feel so darn good.
I was reading a scripture about how we are to forgive because that is what Christ did and we are expected to forgive everyone. And I was thinking how blessed we are to wake up everyday and have an opportunity to start fresh...we get another day. Why me...why am I so blessed? Maybe I was thinking about the little girl I read about with stage 4 cancer who was taking her last breaths yesterday. As I was sitting by the pool, I could imagine her parents and family around her bed as she struggled to breathe and I thought about her short life.
I'm not usually one to feel this way. I wasn't blessed with the most sunny disposition and the ability to see past the demons. I tend to have a dark cloud over me and feel an invisible ceiling just above my head almost always. I am one of those who marvel at those who always see the glass half full, who seem to love everything about life. I read other's blogs and wonder if it's possible that they are all that happy all the time. I know that I honestly don't always feel that way and I almost doubt the sincerity of some because I can't fathom that kind of bliss. Once in awhile I will have a break in the clouds and the storms that rage in my mind will dissipate. These windows in time are generally quite rare and short. I don't know why these glimpses are given to me. So, while I am currently on this deliverance from darkness and heavy weights, I have to acknowledge a few things.
I am one lucky girl.
I love my home.
I love living here in this time and in this place.
I adore my children and I'm so grateful to be a Mom.
I love my life and I love who I am. I know I have it good.
I'm so grateful for the gifts I've been given.
I am so blessed to be able to have a fresh start everyday.
I love the scriptures.
I don't know where I will be in a year, but I have a knowledge of
the Plan and where I ultimately want to be and so that is all the future I need to know.
I feel peace about the path my family is traveling on. We are a rag tag bunch, making our way on this thorny journey but we are so blessed to have help along the way.
I am married to the perfect person for me.
I feel loved.
I'm so grateful for my physical body. When it works...it works well. It is a functioning marvel and miracle.
I'm alive.
These lyrics keep coming to mind...
"When dark clouds of trouble hang 'ore us...
and threaten our peace to destroy.
There is hope smiling brightly before us...
and we know that deliverance is nigh."
Maybe someday my girls will read this and see that I did have good days too. I'm going to bookmark this page. Knowing me...I'm going to need it someday, who knows that day may be tomorrow. These feelings don't come around every day you know.
But today...it just feels so good to be alive.