Observing Vulnerability

I'm afraid of heights.

I'm afraid of being vulnerable.

I spent some time on Observation Point today.  And the point is...when you put yourself out there, you are vulnerable.  You are exposed.  You experience an uncomfortable sensation.

But after the brief terror, comes growth, strength and courage.

For the last 4 years I have been pouring my heart out in a very public venue, concerning my spiritual beliefs.  It has not been easy.  It's a bit like standing on the edge of 2,000 foot drop off...gradually creeping closer and closer to the brink of disaster.

It's not easy to find the kind of courage required to socially put myself out there, to stand on the ledge and to expose myself to 'danger'.

But, in the last couple of years, I've dared to go there.  And I've survived.

I have challenged myself physically, socially and spiritually.  The rewards for 90% of the time are worth the effort.  Sometimes I have a set back.  Sometimes the world spins.  Sometimes I expose myself a bit too much.  Sometimes I feel rejection.  Sometimes my beliefs and I are labeled.  Sometimes it hurts a little, sometimes it hurts a lot.

Today's hike hurt a little.  I think I've discovered I have neuroma in my foot.  So, with pain in every footstep accompanied with drop-offs that make me swoon, I once again conquered Observation Point.  Each time it gets a little easier.  Just like that, so it goes with criticism.  The more I persevere, the less it hurts.  There will come a day when I master my vulnerability, as I've mastered real fears.

Until then, I may be suffering from what Brene Brown refers to as a "vulnerability hangover".  But already, it's not as bad as previous setbacks. I believe by allowing myself to experience some level of discomfort, I become stronger.  Just as I confront my fears of heights, so too will I continue to battle my insecurities.

Because, views of success, and growth, stamina and courage are worth it.